Monkey & Bug

I took this sweet picture of my babies last weekend.  I will admit that the main reason I took it was because the dress Bella is wearing is one that I wore when I was little and it was made by my Grandma Berger!  She made dresses for my sister and I all the time when we were little.  This is one that I hung on to for Bella.  She looked so sweet in this dress.  She looks like a little girl in dresses. I know you are probably saying, "well she is a little girl"...but there is a difference in the way she acts when she has a dress on...like she knows it and she is a prissy little thing.  It is the cutest thing!  She must get it from me because I feel different when I have a dress on.  Don't you?  Just something about it makes me feel like a pretty girl.  :)   

And then we have my oh so handsome boy sitting over there.  Folks, let me tell you this is the sweetest, kindest young man you will ever want to know.  I am doing my darndest to make sure he stays this way.  He warms my heart every single day and makes me smile and laugh all the time.  He's gonna make a good husband some day!

Plain Simple Truth

I've been thinking a lot, about everything...my kids, the house, packing, where we're going to live, what needs to be done, how long it will take the house to sell, what to fix for dinner, what the kids need and/or want, what I need and/or want, how to be happy again, how to be alone again and the plain simple truth.  The plain simple truth is people scare me.  I'm afraid of people...always have been.  I don't like crowds and I really don't like being somewhere by myself with a bunch of people I don't know.  TERRIFIES ME.  I know what you're thinking and no, I'm fine at the grocery store, shopping, stuff like that.  But in a social scene...oh my goodness!  I'm a mess and I come off as a snob.  I'm not a snob--far from!  Quite frankly, I just don't think I'm good enough to be in other people's company.  That's the way I think, that's the way I feel about myself.  I'm not good enough for you.  I simply don't really know how to talk to people.  Its an awkward thing for me.  It is different once you get to know someone and find that commonality between you but until that happens...holy moly, I'm lost!  Its a confidence thing and that is something that I have always struggled with and that has always been hard for me.  I don't ask questions because I'm afraid of being made fun of, I don't talk because I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing or not making sense and being made fun of.  This is something that I am trying to work on but its really hard.  So how do you go from being the quiet, shy type (for 38 years) to someone who is not afraid of people?  How does that happen? Is it possibly?        

Today

I have mixed emotions today.  My divorce was final this morning.  The most surprising thing to me today is that I have not cried.  I am relieved.  I am sad.  I am not happy.  But I'm good.  I'm ready to start the next step in my life with my two precious babies.  I can continue the process of moving on.  Once our house sells, I think that will be the last piece off my shoulders, then the kids and I can start our new life.  What a journey it has been!  A journey that has been nothing but awful and unexpected.  But it has made me stronger and is continually teaching me.  I am going to leave this post with a quote I came across in a newsletter sent to me after my son died.  I keep it with me always.  While becoming bitter and giving up may sound appealing on my really dark days, I have refused to let it happen, and I will continue to refuse. 

"Things don't go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up.  They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be."

Charles "Tremendous" Jones

Reds Baseball

Reds baseball came to a close Thursday night.  Our boys placed second overall and second in the year-end tournament.  We weren't able to get by those pesky Indians but we sure gave them a run for the title.  Our boys played one heck of a season and we are very proud of them.  I'm very proud of one kid in particular and he just happens to be my son. 

Christopher hadn't played baseball in 3 years but he went in wanting to play, wanting to have fun, wanting to learn more and wanting to improve.  He had a great attitude and played with so much heart.  I never once saw him get angry or upset when something didn't go how he wanted it to...he always had a positive outlook on it. 

He laid down some beautiful bunts this year and hit the ball twice.  The second being his last at bat for the season.  I hope he decides to stay with baseball next year, not just because I love watching him play, but because he looks like he really enjoys himself and has fun with it...and I know he will only continue to improve each year.  

We had so much fun with our team this year.  A very special thanks to Brian and Kurstie for helping Chris along and teaching him this year.  They knew when to get down to business but they also knew how to have fun. I hope we are fortunate next year to have them again.  GO REDS!!