Life Does Go On

I have often thought about all the things that have happened since you've been gone.  Its so weird looking at the calendar and seeing that it has been 10 years now.  10 years.  So many times I have wanted to pick up the phone to call or swing by the house to see what you were up to. I still have those thoughts and then remember you are gone.  Both your girls had babies, Brady and Bella. When I think about you missing out on time spent with them, it breaks my heart.  Even more when I realize they will only know their Grammy through pictures and stories we share with them.  My divorce.  Bryan falling out of a tree while cutting a limb.  Daddy remarrying. Cindy's trip to the State Play-offs, and realizing you never got the chance to see her coach in Angleton.  I remember her first game.  She had a spot reserved just for you right up front. Tony battling cancer.  Life just moving on without you.  You were way too young mommy.   All the holidays, birthdays and anniversaries that have come since you've been gone. Every single one of them difficult.  Time does not make things easier.  You learn to manage the hole left, the emptiness and some days you just don't manage it well.  That's how I feel about it anyways.

I remember the day like other difficult days, in flashbacks.  Moments that stand out.  I remember our last conversation the night before.  I remember getting the call to come home because you took a turn during the night.  I remember family coming to see you.  I remember all sitting in the bedroom sharing stories.  And I remember when you took your last breath.

And now, as I sit here writing about you, my eyes fill up with tears and I get mad because you aren't here.  I want to throw a fit because life just isn't fair.

You are always with me, I know this.  Some days I feel you are closer than others.  I still love to see you in my dreams.  I love it even more when you talk to me.

10 years mommy and I still miss you so very much.

Welcome Spring

Today is the first day of Spring and I am trying to embrace it.  I don't know why I'm having such a hard time letting it in this year.  I do enjoy all the flowers popping up, trees filling up and the birds chirping.  I think maybe I'm just not looking forward to the unbearable heat that will soon follow.  I do hope it will hold off a while yet.  Fingers crossed.

For now, I will pull all my dresses that have been hiding in the closet and start wearing them again.  Something about a cute little dress and sandals that puts a skip in my step and a smile on my face.  I will also look forward to my walks in the evening with my girl.  I love the conversations we have and our time spent together taking in all the pretties around us.  She sees it all and it makes my heart happy.  

Happy Spring Y'all!  Have a good one!

My Girl

Bella and I were laying in bed the other night watching Barnyard.  She was laying on my shoulder (snuggling) like she always does and holding my hand. I wanted to take a picture but I couldn't get to my phone without disturbing us.  What I noticed in that moment was how little she STILL is.  At times, she seems like she is such a big girl but in that moment I realized that she really is still a little girl.  I love her little hands.  I love that they always want to hold my hand, give hugs and grab hold of my arm real tight.  I took a day off this week for Spring Break.  One day.  I felt guilty even asking for that one day because I have missed so much work to help with Tony and with my own stuff I've had going on.  We spent the morning and early afternoon with a friend of mine and her girls shopping and eating lunch.  The afternoon Bella and I ran to mall to get her a new dress for a wedding she is going to this weekend with her dad.  I had to go back to work the next day and she was not having it.  I left one very unhappy little girl Thursday morning and again today.  "Please ask your boss if you can get off early today mommy".  She kills me.  I did take these pictures yesterday morning...

Look at those sweets hands.  We polished our nails together the night before.  She wanted pretty nails just like mommy's.  Sometimes my heart just wants to explode with love for her.  I also realized that day that we have a lot of little things we do together that are very special to her and that means so much to me.  I often think I don't do enough big things with children but its at times when I need the reminder that all those little things really do matter to them.  They mean the world to me and I'm glad to know they mean a lot to them too.

BBQ Chicken Benefit

We had a BBQ Chicken Benefit for my brother this past weekend.  All monies raised go towards Tony's growing medical bills for his cancer treatments.  He originally wanted to sell briskets but the price of them are really high right now, so much that he would of had to charge $80-$90 per brisket. He opted to sell whole and half chickens instead.  $15 for a whole, $8 for a half.

Friday night we gathered to cut and season the chicken for the first round.

Saturday morning, the guys were getting the fire started and loading the smoker around 5:00 am.  I was very happy to not be a part of that early morning call.

My shift began at 10:00 am when it was time to pull the chickens and wrap them for all our generous customers. Saturday was a very rainy day.  It was hardly spitting rain until it came time for our first pick-ups to show up and then it started and didn't want to stop. 

Before the rain started....

Our cousins David, Veronica, Patrick and Christy came to help out.  We had a lot of laughs and so much fun hanging out this weekend.  Some of us were just plum tired from being up so early.

We had two pickups Saturday, 12:00 and 6:00.  It was a very long day but seeing all the people come out to support Tony was awesome.  Sunday we only had one pick-up time but again, we saw so many people.  A lot of folks we "see" on FB, we got to see in person.  It was great.    

Saturday's Crew....nothing like family!

I can't remember how many chickens they put on the pit but I know it was 300+.  We sold every single one of them and had a lot of donations.  After Cindy calculated the numbers, we're looking at  $4591 in profit. So many giving hearts.  Words just cannot express how much we appreciate the love, support and generosity of everyone who has helped out through this journey.  We love you all.

And that's me with my big brother.  Love him so much.  

  

Thank you everyone...y'all have a good one. 

Randomness and A Recipe

I have been trying to embrace this whole March Spring thing that's happening on the calendar. Planting flowers, polishing my nails with a Springy color, wearing more dresses and skirts. I'm not quite there but I'm getting there.  The time change this weekend will certainly help I think.  I'll be tired but it'll help.  ha!

A couple few weeks ago I had a random day off.  It was more that Bella was throwing up in the morning, not because she was sick, but because her allergies have been really bad and she had drainage and mucus in her throat.  She has a hard time getting it up, chokes a little and boom.  I stayed home and took her to see Dr. Patti to prove to her that mommy knew what she was talking about.  No fever, no nothing but drainage.  Mommy was right and Dr. Patti did a fine job of telling Bella to trust me  Take your medicine because it only works if you take it, every day.  Thank you Dr. Patti!

Anyway, since she was obviously fine, I took advantage of the day and we ran some errands after we got back to town.  I got my taxes dropped off, swung by the bank, trip to the grocery store and ran into Brazos Avenue Market (BAM) to see if could spend my gift card I've had since mid-December.  There was a top they posted on Instagram that I really liked so I asked about it and sure enough, they had it.  This is me trying it on and sending a pic to my girlfriend asking her opinion....

Her reply..."its supposed to be off the shoulder girl...show some skin!"  yes I know that but it keeps slipping.  I hem-hawed because if I tried a larger size, the sleeves would have come down to my ankles.  That's a bit of an exaggeration but its almost accurate.  I ended up getting the top and now just waiting for the right opportunity to wear it.  Side note, I was telling the ladies at work about this top and they tell me there is some kind of tacky tape you can use to help it stay in place.  I haven't looked into it but most certainly will.

Last weekend I met up with Kristian for some crawfish and beer at our local spot, Shady's.  Man I was one happy girl!  I had been craving crawfish for a while and was finally able to get my hands on some.  They do a pretty damn good job.

Sunday, it was a rainy day so I threw a roast in the crock pot for dinner.  My sister had told me a while back about the concoction she uses for her crock pot roast and how much the family loves it so I decided to give it a whirl. Here it is...

It was really good.  I didn't tell the kids I was trying something new, I just did it. The only other thing I threw in the crock pot was carrots. Christopher doesn't care for the potatoes when I cook them with the roast so I leave them out and just make mashed potatoes separately. Bella turned her nose up to it and wouldn't even try it.  Kid doesn't know what she's missing out on.  I'm now going to really tortured y'all with this pic...

It really was good.  Christopher was a fan and I definitely will be making it this way again.  I even made a lunch for me to take Monday.  A lunch that I left sitting on the counter at home.  A lunch I had to painfully throw away when I got home.  I was very sad.  

Today I am happy because its FRIDAY!!!  This week has been a long one so I'm looking forward to the weekend.  Hope ya'll have a great one.

March Is Here

Holy wow!  I am absolutely blown away that it is already March.  I shouldn't be because time seems to be flying by faster and faster but still...it always surprises me.

I pulled out my green wreath this past weekend and hung it up.  You know, the one I made with fabric and a wire hanger a couple years ago.  This one...

That is all I have for St. Patrick's Day.  I don't really decorate for that but I do love my wreath and the pop of green. 

I saw this on Pinterest.  Really cute and love all the little clover but no way I could ever do this.  I am not that talented.

I am starting to get in the mood for Spring.  Bella and I have been to Lowes twice and bought flowers both times.  Some of the lilies in the front flower bed have already bloomed.  This warm weather has a lot of things confused.  I wanted more cold weather so I guess that's why I'm torn with this.  I don't feel like I got my fix.  Oh, let's be honest, I never get my fix of cold weather.  Ha!  

Do you associate a specific color with each month?  I realized this morning that I totally do, and I find it funny that my colors don't match the birthstone of the months. Weird how my head works sometimes.  As you can tell I associate green with the month of March.  Another thing that is interesting is that Cindy's birthday is in March (this Friday to be exact) and her favorite color is green.  My birthday is in February and my favorite color is red and I've always associated red with the month of February.  Mom's birthday is July 4th and her favorite color was blue.  Maybe its a girl thing because Christopher's birthday is in February too, but his favorite color is not red.  And for that matter, Scott's birthday is in May and his favorite color is red.  I'm not sure what color I associate with May but I know its not red.  

Okay...I'll get off that tangent I just went on.  Sorry, sometimes I just have to get out all the weird thoughts and questions I have wandering around in my head.  Those that read this get to be the recipients.  I apologize.  

Guess I should get moving with my morning and this 1st day of March.  I hope y'all have a great day.  Oh yes...its the first day of Lent!!   Daddy and Lena are having family dinner tonight so I'm excited I don't have to cook and also that we're having catfish!  Woo Hoo!!

Have a good one!