My Car

I'm ready to drive my car off a @#$%^%$ bridge! 

I told my son this morning after turning the radio down to listen to yet another flippin' noise its making (while sitting perfectly still) that I just wanted to cry.  His response was, "I know you do mommy...and I don't blame you.  Everything is breaking...the car, the house...everything".  All my extra funds (little that is) are gone.  Its literally been one thing after another since about October.  Fix the car, replace the stove, fix something else on the car, fix the garage door, fix the car, fix the a/c, now another noise on my beautiful car that I have always loved until recently.  I keep asking "why me?" and God keeps answering, "I'm only making you stronger and giving you what you can handle".  I also keep telling myself that these fixes here and there on a car that's paid in full is better than a car payment every month.  Sometimes I wonder.  There are other little things in the car that have been broke for a while.  CD player quit working 3 years ago, I have 6 cd's stuck in it, two of which are George Strait.  I know!!  The driver side sun visor is somewhat broke.  It won't stay up so I have to keep it down all the time.  Fine for me but when normal size peeps drive my car they get into fights with it.  Material on the side of the front seats has been torn for a while.  Back windows roll down but only I can get them back up.  Had to replace one already.  Oh yes...both speakers sometimes work when you plug in your iPod or other music to play.  Most of the time its just one.   And recently, my center console broke so now it stays open all the time.  Lovely huh.  Its fine if you rest your elbow on it all the time.  Ha!  And now, for the second time, my airbag light is blinking.  I've reset it once.  Guess I need to try again. 

Its all just annoying and frustrating.  And I feel awful venting and complaining when there are far worse events happening all around me.  My complaints are petty, I know this.  But for someone who is trying so very hard as a single mom to make things seem relatively undisturbed in my children's lives, these petty little occurrences sure are making it difficult.  I don't just want things to be okay for them, I want them to be great.  Maybe I expect too much but I don't want my divorce to disrupt their lives anymore than it already has.  They didn't ask for this.  Their lives need to be as close to normal as possible.  I think it is for the most part.  They are happy and healthy, and they are great kids.  I just think they deserve a little bit more from their momma. 

Ok...I'm done.  Thanks for listening to me vent.  I'm ok now.  I'm going to just go with it and try to laugh instead of cry.