Ticked Off

To the punk who thought it was cool to use someone else's account to make a purchase, I hope you are overwhelmed with guilt. Its so NOT cool, you jerk.  I'm lucky I check my account often and caught this early.  My bank worked with me to get this taken care of.  To the company who authorized the charge, shame on you for not working with me or the bank to rectify this.  You seemed to only care about your sale and the jerk who made the purchase, not the person who was taken advantage of. Jerks.

Watch your accounts folks, you never know who can get a hold of your information.  I have no idea how mine was obtained, but thankfully I did catch it early and the bank is working with me.

A Kind of Shopping I Don't Really Care For...

And that is car shopping.  Its exhausting and so very stressful.  I would rather someone else do it for me and let me know when its done.  I especially don't care for salesmen who don't listen to you.  That is very frustrating and very annoying.

I started this process yesterday after I (and my family) decided that I need to be in something more reliable and something that doesn't need to be in the shop every month.  With it just being myself and my children, we don't need to end up stranded somewhere, so I'm biting the bullet and buying something new.  I'm not at all thrilled about a car note but we need to do this. 

I will let you know how Day 2 of my first car buying experience on my own goes. 

Say a prayer for me. 

Actually, say a lot of prayers for me.

Please and thank you.

My Car

I'm ready to drive my car off a @#$%^%$ bridge! 

I told my son this morning after turning the radio down to listen to yet another flippin' noise its making (while sitting perfectly still) that I just wanted to cry.  His response was, "I know you do mommy...and I don't blame you.  Everything is breaking...the car, the house...everything".  All my extra funds (little that is) are gone.  Its literally been one thing after another since about October.  Fix the car, replace the stove, fix something else on the car, fix the garage door, fix the car, fix the a/c, now another noise on my beautiful car that I have always loved until recently.  I keep asking "why me?" and God keeps answering, "I'm only making you stronger and giving you what you can handle".  I also keep telling myself that these fixes here and there on a car that's paid in full is better than a car payment every month.  Sometimes I wonder.  There are other little things in the car that have been broke for a while.  CD player quit working 3 years ago, I have 6 cd's stuck in it, two of which are George Strait.  I know!!  The driver side sun visor is somewhat broke.  It won't stay up so I have to keep it down all the time.  Fine for me but when normal size peeps drive my car they get into fights with it.  Material on the side of the front seats has been torn for a while.  Back windows roll down but only I can get them back up.  Had to replace one already.  Oh yes...both speakers sometimes work when you plug in your iPod or other music to play.  Most of the time its just one.   And recently, my center console broke so now it stays open all the time.  Lovely huh.  Its fine if you rest your elbow on it all the time.  Ha!  And now, for the second time, my airbag light is blinking.  I've reset it once.  Guess I need to try again. 

Its all just annoying and frustrating.  And I feel awful venting and complaining when there are far worse events happening all around me.  My complaints are petty, I know this.  But for someone who is trying so very hard as a single mom to make things seem relatively undisturbed in my children's lives, these petty little occurrences sure are making it difficult.  I don't just want things to be okay for them, I want them to be great.  Maybe I expect too much but I don't want my divorce to disrupt their lives anymore than it already has.  They didn't ask for this.  Their lives need to be as close to normal as possible.  I think it is for the most part.  They are happy and healthy, and they are great kids.  I just think they deserve a little bit more from their momma. 

Ok...I'm done.  Thanks for listening to me vent.  I'm ok now.  I'm going to just go with it and try to laugh instead of cry. 

Overwhelmed

I need to talk, vent, scream, cry.  I am going to apologize up front for this post.  I will ramble I'm sure, and my thoughts will definitely be all over the place, so I do apologize.

I have been so overwhelmed lately.  Actually its been for a few months now.  I can't seem to get a grip on life and feel like I am failing miserably, drowning at times.  I feel like everything is hitting at once.  Continuously.  And it won't let up.  Being an adult at this moment sucks...A LOT.  I want to just roll up in a ball in a corner and not come out until everything is semi normal again.  But in order for that to happen I have to do something about it, right?  I just don't have it in me right now.  Everything is overwhelming right now...work, being a mommy, a homeowner, money, sick, anniversaries, the ex, family, projects, car, school, makeup work, grades, influences, bills, friends, well-being, necessities, etc.  I honestly think I could keep adding to the list. Its a constant battle in my head, especially when I lay down at night, the mind starts racing and I can't shut it off.  I worry so much.  All the time.  Its constant.  Am I doing the right thing?  Am I doing the wrong thing?  Am I being selfish?  Am I too hard on my kids or not hard enough?  Everyone is a critic and everyone has their own way of doing things. I don't like being judged and I seriously dislike people who make assumptions based on what they see because let me tell you, its a whole other story behind closed doors people. Things aren't always what they seem.  I just want one thing to go right or go as planned.  I want to be happy and content.  I'm tired of worrying but I don't know how to turn it off.  I now know how my mom felt.  Being a mommy is the best blessing but whew, there are days I seriously feel like I just wasn't cut out for it.   I also know I am not the only one.  What do you do when you feel like this?  Take a time out, take a break? What if those are not options for you?  Do you lock yourself in a closet and not come out when they kids are looking/screaming/crying for you?  Because I've thought about it.  I can't handle the crying.  I give in so easily--CAN YOU SAY SUCKER?!!!!?  Somebody please tell me the secret I am missing.  The secret that allows me to let everything roll off my shoulders...all the time, not just sometimes.  the one that says "fire away!, give me your best shot! or that's all you got? I can take more!"  I honestly don't know if I can take more.  I need a lightbulb, ah ha moment that makes me understand why I can't just have it easy for a while.  I just need a break. 

Thank you for listening....