Life Does Go On

I have often thought about all the things that have happened since you've been gone.  Its so weird looking at the calendar and seeing that it has been 10 years now.  10 years.  So many times I have wanted to pick up the phone to call or swing by the house to see what you were up to. I still have those thoughts and then remember you are gone.  Both your girls had babies, Brady and Bella. When I think about you missing out on time spent with them, it breaks my heart.  Even more when I realize they will only know their Grammy through pictures and stories we share with them.  My divorce.  Bryan falling out of a tree while cutting a limb.  Daddy remarrying. Cindy's trip to the State Play-offs, and realizing you never got the chance to see her coach in Angleton.  I remember her first game.  She had a spot reserved just for you right up front. Tony battling cancer.  Life just moving on without you.  You were way too young mommy.   All the holidays, birthdays and anniversaries that have come since you've been gone. Every single one of them difficult.  Time does not make things easier.  You learn to manage the hole left, the emptiness and some days you just don't manage it well.  That's how I feel about it anyways.

I remember the day like other difficult days, in flashbacks.  Moments that stand out.  I remember our last conversation the night before.  I remember getting the call to come home because you took a turn during the night.  I remember family coming to see you.  I remember all sitting in the bedroom sharing stories.  And I remember when you took your last breath.

And now, as I sit here writing about you, my eyes fill up with tears and I get mad because you aren't here.  I want to throw a fit because life just isn't fair.

You are always with me, I know this.  Some days I feel you are closer than others.  I still love to see you in my dreams.  I love it even more when you talk to me.

10 years mommy and I still miss you so very much.