Walls

Some friends and I have discussed my wall and whether or not I should build it back up or leave it down?  I think it should be built back up stronger than its ever been...because I don't like the way I'm feeling.  I don't like hurting.  Others suggest I should leave it down.  To me, that makes me more vulnerable.  I don't know, I guess I look at things differently. 

I have always been a trusting person. Some say too trusting.  You start off with a clean slate with me unless of course you just rub me wrong in the beginning, then you have to earn my trust and figure out how to get on my good side.  Years ago when I was in college a friend betrayed me by stealing from me.  At the time I was working part time in the learning lab at the college and my supervisor told me then I should be more like her, "start out thinking the worst in people and then when they screw up you're not surprised or hurt by it."  Make them earn your trust she said.  I've always remembered her telling me that, but I have never been able to follow that piece of advice.  I'm just not that kind of person.  Sometimes I wish I could be. 

Blessing worked on my wall for a good while before he finally got it down, and I fell hard when he did get it down.  I tried so hard not to let him in because I wanted to protect myself. I loved having a go-to person again, I had missed that.  Maybe there is a way for me to keep them down and be very, very guarded