Meltdown

I had a minor to semi-big meltdown Thanksgiving evening, like couldn't catch my breath I was crying so hard type deal.  I just miss my mom so very much.  The holidays just aren't the same without her here.  I miss everything about her and I would love to have just one more day to be able to sit and talk with her, drink coffee, ask her all the things I never did and hug her until she tells me that's enough.  I've got a huge lump in my throat right now just typing this.  My poor children kept asking what was wrong and I told them I just missed their Grammy very much.  Christopher knows that when I get this way that I just need some time to get all the tears out.  He will always give me a hug.  My sweet Bella told me she would take care of me and make it all better.  I hate breaking down around them, but sometimes I just can't keep it in.  I ended up crying myself to sleep that night with Bella laying right beside with her arm laying over me.  I cried harder thinking about how mom would never know her granddaughter and how sweet and giving she is.  Momma loved Christmas...the decorations, the music, the movies, all of it.  Okay...I see where I get it from now (laughing at myself) but its a good thing, right?  I mean, its better than being a total Grinch the entire holiday season.  That just wouldn't be any fun and my momma wouldn't have wanted me to be that way. So I will keep pushing forward, keep finding ways to remember mom in the little things I do knowing that she is with me all the time and keeping an eye out for all of us.  I will smile when I can, but allow the tears to fall when they need to.

Just miss you so very much...........