It is so hard to explain to others how I feel, how so easily I could just shut down while everything around me keeps moving. I pulled this from FB the other day...it sums it up perfectly because there are no words. Its pain like you've never known...
I can't get my head right this time of year, ever. I try...oh boy do I try but it never works. I'm a soggy mess for a good two weeks. You died on a Saturday. This year's anniversary is on a Saturday. I am going to be a judge for the Valentine's Day Parade in Palacios Saturday. I hesitated when I first saw the date but decided that instead of not doing a damn thing all day and allowing myself to dwell on this day, I am going to honor you instead. I know you would want me to stay busy and not think about the worst day of my life. The day I was forced to say good-bye. The day I held you for the very last time. Even now, 11 years later, as I'm typing this, I have a huge lump in my throat as I'm trying to keep the tears from taking over. I'm losing this battle. You were and still are very precious to me son and I hope you know how much Mommy loves you, misses you and how much I fought like hell that day to try and heal you. I would have done anything for you. Just know that this year I am going to try my best to smile and have a good day. I can't promise you tears won't fall but Mommy will do her best just for you my love.
You are forever and always in my heart son...
1 comment:
sending you {hugs}
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