Parenting

I don't handle punishing my children well at all. I never have. Any time I have had to, I cry when I'm done. Tonight is no exception. I've grounded my son from everything and taken away everything. His world has just been turned upside down by his momma and daddy and he is one very unhappy boy right now. As bad as he is feeling, I think I'm hurting more. I love this kid so much and want him to succeed but his attitude towards school lately just completely sucks. His grades are reflecting that so we did what we thought would impact him the most because nothing else has gotten through to him. How else do you make a 15 year old kid understand how important his education is? I seriously dread the next 4.5 years of school with him. I hate this. I truly hate this. He is a good kid but he just has to change his attitude because what he has going on right now isn't working.  I hate being the bad guy. I don't handle it well. But I know what I'm doing is the right thing and the best thing.  I think about how strict my parents were with us growing up, and I know I need to be stronger,  harder....and not such a softy.  I've gone in his room to check on him since the punishment was handed down and we finished the phone call with his dad. He is in bed already. He has stopped crying. My heart is broken. I hurt for him, but he has done this to himself. No one to blame but himself. I think it's hitting him now.  Somebody please tell me that I'm doing the right thing, that this sting of being the bad guy will go away or become easier for me to handle because damn people, I still have a lot of years left doing this parenting thing!  I think the absolute hardest part for me right now is that I want to go snuggle up with him, put my arms around him, hold him tight...and remind him that I really do love him. But I won't. I will be strong. I will stand my ground. I will be a mom.

This is the part about parenting I really don't like.