18 Year Old In The House

Christopher Michael,

I know I asked this question every year but seriously son....18?!!?

You are 18 today!!

EIGHTEEN!!!!!

I wonder if my parents ever felt that way each year?  Hell, there were so many of us, they were probably thinking, "damn, he/she's only this age??"

I don't even know where to begin.  Do I start with the day you were born or with today? Do I talk about how you drive me absolutely crazy at times or how much I still gush that you are my son?  Do I talk about you have made me one of the proudest mommies in the whole world or how your very bad decisions have aged me at least 5-10 years?  Or do we talk about the biggest, most awesome thing you did for you mommy and that's how you saved my life.

EIGHTEEN!!!!!

I'm sorry, I'm just blown away this day has already arrived.

If we go back to the day you were born and the hours leading to your arrival, I would have known that you were only preparing my patience for things to come.  Of course to know that back then, I would have needed all the wisdom I have now.  I've said it before, you took your sweet time to get here and it is exactly how you have lead your life.  Everything is in your time.  While I admire that about you, it can also drive me crazy.  That's where my patience have to come in and sometimes I just don't have them.  We push through it and everything seems to work out but Lordy, I am tested.

Proud mommy moments come almost daily.  When you find something you're passionate about, you throw yourself into it.  When you accomplish a feat or something finally clicks for you.  When you cook dinner for the family or help your sister with a simple task.  When you ask if I'm okay or when you're concerned for someone else.  I could go on, but all those big and little things make me so proud of you.

Bad decisions come with growing up.  I know that, but I have always hoped that I (and your father) have taught you well enough that you would never make a single bad decision.  Everyone makes them. I still do.  Its how we learn but damn mommies want so much more for their children.  I don't want you to have to learn lessons the hard way.  I know all these lessons will only make you a better and stronger person.  I believe that and I have faith in that.

Saving my life.  You did that for me after your brother died.  I never thought about taking my life but I didn't care to feel anything.  I thought it was wrong to move on.  I thought I should grieve every day for the rest of my life. Not enjoy life, not be happy.  You changed that because you needed me.  You needed me to help you grieve, to help you continue to learn, grow, play and just be a happy 4 year old boy. Because of you, I went on with my life.  Because you needed me, I tried my best to make things as normal and as happy as I possible could for you. It wasn't always pretty and happy because we were sad for a long time but we went on.  For that my son, I thank you.

I continue to only want great things for you.  I am always here for you and will continue to always be here for you for all things great or small.  You tease about buying a large "cadillac style" shed for the backyard to fix up so you can have your own place but still be close to mommy.  Secretly, I would love it but I do want you to spread your wings and fly.  If that takes you across town or somewhere further away, I am okay with that as long as you always keep mommy close and stay connected.

Happy 18th son....I love you always.

Mommy