That's the way I felt Sunday and yesterday.
A thousand steps forward and one lousy stupid box of memories knocks me on my butt.
It all still hurts.
Feeling better today.
Found the silver-lining in all this pain.
I'm a fighter.
Working my way back.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Happy 3rd Birthday Isabella Marie
I can hardly believe my sweet girl is 3 years old. Its just not possible. But again...when I look at the calendar, it tells me its entirely true. Time has flown by and its only getting faster.
When my son died, a huge chunk of me went with him. I never thought I would smile again, feel anything but numbness for the rest of my life. I didn't think I deserved to be happy, about anything. I didn't celebrate or acknowledge my birthday for several years after because that meant I would be celebrating me and it didn't feel right. As I sit here with tears in my eyes I can tell you the day my daughter was born was the day my heart smiled again. I felt alive, the numbness was gone and I was happy again. She has kept me smiling every day since. She, in many ways, brought me back to life and one day when she is old enough to understand, I will tell her just what she did for her momma.
She is a hoot to hang out with. She can drive you crazy some days but all through tons of laughter and fun. She is a total girlie girl and fashion diva in the making.
See here...
Miss Bella is so animated with her expressions in everything she does. I wish I could share some of it with you because she would make you smile like you never have before and laugh until you cry. She is my sunshine and I thank God for her every day.
Bella's Loves
Dresses and skirts
Anything PINK
Shoes, shoes, shoes!
Lipgloss, nail polish and hair accessories
Jewelry
Purses and Bags
Brushing her teeth
Washing her hands
5 yellow cookies (Vanilla Oreos)
Juice (Gatorade)
Chicken with ranch and ketchup
Hello Kitty, Dora, Princess
Puppies!!
Skittles
Jellybeans
Dora/Princess snacks
Playing outside
Shopping
and much, much more!
My poor baby girl was sick on her birthday but she is bouncing back just fine. Had a great party for her Sunday evening with lots of family and friends. Loved watching her play and mingle with everyone. She is the sweetest little girl. Her daddy took lots of pictures and when I have some I will share some with you.
Happy Birthday Sunshine! Mommy loves you!
When my son died, a huge chunk of me went with him. I never thought I would smile again, feel anything but numbness for the rest of my life. I didn't think I deserved to be happy, about anything. I didn't celebrate or acknowledge my birthday for several years after because that meant I would be celebrating me and it didn't feel right. As I sit here with tears in my eyes I can tell you the day my daughter was born was the day my heart smiled again. I felt alive, the numbness was gone and I was happy again. She has kept me smiling every day since. She, in many ways, brought me back to life and one day when she is old enough to understand, I will tell her just what she did for her momma.
She is a hoot to hang out with. She can drive you crazy some days but all through tons of laughter and fun. She is a total girlie girl and fashion diva in the making.
See here...
Watching Tangled at the doctor's office...
Miss Bella is so animated with her expressions in everything she does. I wish I could share some of it with you because she would make you smile like you never have before and laugh until you cry. She is my sunshine and I thank God for her every day.
Bella's Loves
Dresses and skirts
Anything PINK
Shoes, shoes, shoes!
Lipgloss, nail polish and hair accessories
Jewelry
Purses and Bags
Brushing her teeth
Washing her hands
5 yellow cookies (Vanilla Oreos)
Juice (Gatorade)
Chicken with ranch and ketchup
Hello Kitty, Dora, Princess
Puppies!!
Skittles
Jellybeans
Dora/Princess snacks
Playing outside
Shopping
and much, much more!
My poor baby girl was sick on her birthday but she is bouncing back just fine. Had a great party for her Sunday evening with lots of family and friends. Loved watching her play and mingle with everyone. She is the sweetest little girl. Her daddy took lots of pictures and when I have some I will share some with you.
Happy Birthday Sunshine! Mommy loves you!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
2012 Goals
Not sure I'm being smart about this but I'm going to put my goals in writing. I think I'm setting myself up to get shot in the foot but oh well, here we go...
In no particular order...only the order that they pop into my head...
Organize my house.
This is a must! No if, ands or buts...must happen. Not that my house is in complete and utter chaos but there are still boxes to be unpacked, things to be hung on the walls and just more organization overall. I'm confident things will get better as the boxes disappear. Now whether I keep what's in them or chunk them to the curb is another story. :)
Cook.
Not just cook more but cook. I have gotten really bad about this, especially over the holidays. My kids aren't involved in sports but it sure seemed like we were constantly going so we ate out or had a sandwich, ramen noodles or mac n cheese for dinner. Kids loved it most of the time. Me, not so much.
Cook new meals.
Try new things, expand on what we do like. Don't be afraid of the unknown in the kitchen. Was flipping through cookbooks looking for a specific recipe the other day and saw so many things I wanted to try. So yes, going to try new things and pray my kids will at least taste it.
Spend less, save more.
Who doesn't have this one on their list? I want to meet them if they don't. I think there are always ways to cut back and spend less somehow, some way.
Coupons!
Was really good about couponing until we moved and I got out of the habit. Going to try and get back into it. I'm not what you call an extreme couponer but I do enough that makes me feel like I'm helping out.
Hook my computer up.
This will help with my ORGANIZE goal for 2012. I honestly don't know how I have gone on this long without my computer at home, but I do think the lack of it has contributed to me feeling unorganized and scattered. Never realized just how much I used it until it wasn't hooked up.
Family Cookbook.
This family cookbook has been on my agenda since 2002 folks. Yes, you read that right. Life has put it on the back burner one too many times so I am bound and determined to get it done, FOR REAL this time! I'm not even going to push it and say it'll be complete by the end of 2012, I just want to get the dang thing started and be working on it. Its something I really want to do.
Be a better mom, daughter, sister, friend, aunt and girlfriend :)
Who doesn't want to be? Again, this is something I think there is always room for improvement. Or maybe I'm just that bad of a person.
Get Bella potty-trained.
OY! I dread this...only because Christopher took his sweet time. Bella seems to be doing a whole lot better than he did just not so much with me. Daycare tells me every day how good she's doing, how she takes a nap and wakes up dry, blah, blah, blah. For me..its hit and miss equally.
Work on Bella sleeping in own bedroom.
Yipes! I think I dread this more than the above. She has no desire to sleep in her own bed. None. Any tips would be great here.
Walk more.
Nothing really to say. Just need to walk more. Feel good when I do it, just need to do it.
Keep believing.
Continue to BELIEVE in 2012.
So there you have it, my goals for 2012. We'll see how I end up doing. Do you have goals for this year?
In no particular order...only the order that they pop into my head...
Organize my house.
This is a must! No if, ands or buts...must happen. Not that my house is in complete and utter chaos but there are still boxes to be unpacked, things to be hung on the walls and just more organization overall. I'm confident things will get better as the boxes disappear. Now whether I keep what's in them or chunk them to the curb is another story. :)
Cook.
Not just cook more but cook. I have gotten really bad about this, especially over the holidays. My kids aren't involved in sports but it sure seemed like we were constantly going so we ate out or had a sandwich, ramen noodles or mac n cheese for dinner. Kids loved it most of the time. Me, not so much.
Cook new meals.
Try new things, expand on what we do like. Don't be afraid of the unknown in the kitchen. Was flipping through cookbooks looking for a specific recipe the other day and saw so many things I wanted to try. So yes, going to try new things and pray my kids will at least taste it.
Spend less, save more.
Who doesn't have this one on their list? I want to meet them if they don't. I think there are always ways to cut back and spend less somehow, some way.
Coupons!
Was really good about couponing until we moved and I got out of the habit. Going to try and get back into it. I'm not what you call an extreme couponer but I do enough that makes me feel like I'm helping out.
Hook my computer up.
This will help with my ORGANIZE goal for 2012. I honestly don't know how I have gone on this long without my computer at home, but I do think the lack of it has contributed to me feeling unorganized and scattered. Never realized just how much I used it until it wasn't hooked up.
Family Cookbook.
This family cookbook has been on my agenda since 2002 folks. Yes, you read that right. Life has put it on the back burner one too many times so I am bound and determined to get it done, FOR REAL this time! I'm not even going to push it and say it'll be complete by the end of 2012, I just want to get the dang thing started and be working on it. Its something I really want to do.
Be a better mom, daughter, sister, friend, aunt and girlfriend :)
Who doesn't want to be? Again, this is something I think there is always room for improvement. Or maybe I'm just that bad of a person.
Get Bella potty-trained.
OY! I dread this...only because Christopher took his sweet time. Bella seems to be doing a whole lot better than he did just not so much with me. Daycare tells me every day how good she's doing, how she takes a nap and wakes up dry, blah, blah, blah. For me..its hit and miss equally.
Work on Bella sleeping in own bedroom.
Yipes! I think I dread this more than the above. She has no desire to sleep in her own bed. None. Any tips would be great here.
Walk more.
Nothing really to say. Just need to walk more. Feel good when I do it, just need to do it.
Keep believing.
Continue to BELIEVE in 2012.
So there you have it, my goals for 2012. We'll see how I end up doing. Do you have goals for this year?
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Organize
My word for 2012. ORGANIZE...everything!
Was going to go with create but changed my mind. I agree with my friend Jenn who said create and organize are the same thing and go together but I decided I'm going with organize. I need it badly in my life. Have been saying for a while how unorganized I feel. This is the year to get it all under control.
So please, if you have any tips, send them my way! I need all the help I can get.
Was going to go with create but changed my mind. I agree with my friend Jenn who said create and organize are the same thing and go together but I decided I'm going with organize. I need it badly in my life. Have been saying for a while how unorganized I feel. This is the year to get it all under control.
So please, if you have any tips, send them my way! I need all the help I can get.
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