Thursday, March 31, 2011

Hi Mom, Its me Missy

I just miss you. 

It doesn't matter what I say or how I say it, I always come back to those four words. 

I miss everything about you. Our talks on the patio, errand running, lunches, laughing so hard we cry, our sign language, thirsty-ness, shopping, your cooking, your hugs, eyes rolling, sighs...I could go on. 

I still know what it felt like to get a hug from you and when I feel myself needing it the most, I close my eyes and can feel your warmth wrapped around me. 

This day is another day on the calendar I dread. I never look forward to it.  It makes me sad.  Because today is the day I had to say good-bye to you.  Today is the day I held your hand and watched you take your last breath.

I know you are in a far better place and you are not suffering anymore from that evil cancer.  I know you are watching me, protecting me and with me all the time but I selfishly still wish I had you here instead of Heaven being the lucky one.

Some days the tears fall when I think of you but the smiles are there too.  I do some things the way you always did them but sometimes when I don't, I laugh and think you would have had a fit if you saw me doing it another way.  I still find myself thinking about calling you up to ask your opinion about something and then remembering a minute later that I can't do that.

I use phrases from you all the time with the kids.  The one I use the most is "straighten up and fly right". One day I said it to Christopher, and it must have really had that Gladys tone to it because as soon as I said it, a chill shot down my back.  For a minute I thought if I turned around, you were going to be there. How cool would that have been!

I hope you know that you are not forgotten Mom. I think of you daily, sometimes all the time and miss you even more.  You taught me so many things and I hope I am still making you proud.  I love you.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Waiting Game

The waiting game sucks...plain and simple. 

What are they thinking? 

Are they going to make an offer or walk away? 

Did they change their mind?

Is there something else they like better?

Are they weighing the pros and cons?

As far as I'm concerned there are way more pros than make the offer already!

This waiting is killing me! 


Monday, March 28, 2011

Crossing Everything & Saying Prayers

I'm almost afraid to put this in writing but we have someone VERY interested in the house.  They are coming back for a second showing this week and a possible offer to go with it.  That's all I'm saying about that.

The next something I can't even talk about but let's just say it has put the biggest smile on my face in the last few days.  Actually that's probably a teeny lie...its put a smile on face for a while, its just bigger now.  :)

I must have done something right because positive things are starting to happen and I'm welcoming it with open arms. 

That's all I really wanted to say today.  If someone out there is sending up prayers for me, keep them going.  I am forever grateful for these small gifts and favors that are happening now.  It helps to keep those nasty demons away. 

Today I am winning!   

Sunday, March 27, 2011


I bet some of you are wondering why I referred to Christopher as "George".  This is a nickname I have called him for a while...but have found myself using it more recently.  Marie is of course Isabella's middle name and I will call her that from time to time. 

But back to George. 

When I was a kid growing up, my sister and I watched cartoons like all good kids do.  Looney Tunes was a favorite right along with the Smurfs.  There is an episode where the Abominable Snowman finds Daffy Duck dressed up as a bunny rabbit and names him George.  My sister and I have always snuggled with our kids and done this bit from the cartoon with with them. I recently found the video and showed Christopher.  He loved it and I think a little bit happy that I didn't call him George after George Strait ;).  I wouldn't do that to my child--maybe. But I will hold him and pet him and squeeze him and love him and call him George.

I hope this video brings a smile to your face likes it does mine. 

Saturday, March 26, 2011


I would be lying to everyone if I told you that in my now 12 years of motherhood, I told you I haven't had struggles with my children.  And now is no different.

This sweet bundle of prissiness is now 2...and she knows what she wants and she wants it now.  Not later, not when you can figure out what it is she wants, not after you set your stuff down or heaven forbid go to the bathroom, but right now.  She is funny.  I still have no idea why she wants a "poon" (spoon) with her muffins but I give her one because it makes her happy.  She grins at me and says "thank you mommy".  How can I refuse that?   Or when she's watching a movie and I'm finally able to sit down she screams "MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMYYYYY" and I say "WHAAAAAAAT?" and she says "I WANT YOU".  Again, how can I refuse that? or when she won't let her brother buckle her up in the carseat and then later, get her out. Or when at 9:17 at night she wants chocolate chip muffins instead of wanting to go to sleep.  I love that she runs to me in excitement every single day when I pick her up at daycare and squeezes my neck.

I absolutely  love that she goes to sleep snuggled up next to me because I know one day she won't want to do that. 

First I need to know if all 12 year old boys are the same in that they dont want to shower, put on deodorant and  brush their teeth?  Is this a universal thing or just happening in my house?  It drives me nuts that my child would rather walk around smelling funky than do any of the above things.  I am constantly having to ask him "did you put on deodorant?" "did you brush your teeth?"  When he says no I ask why and the standard answer is "i don't know."  Same with homework.  I can look through his folder, go over everything making sure he has done it and he will still come home with a mark the next day because he didn't do a sheet. The standard answer for this is "I forgot".  When I go over everything, ask about each assignment, you still forget?  But I love that he will still hug me and give me a kiss good-bye even though he is 12 and that's not the cool thing to do when his friends are around.  He will still snuggle with me at home when he gets the chance and this sweet 12 year old boy still calls me Mommy.  I smile every time I hear it because I can't help but wonder how soon Mom or Momma will replace Mommy.         

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Rodeo Houston

Marilee and I went to the rodeo Sunday to see Jason Aldean.  He was awesome!!  Loved every minute of his show.  We got there a little early so we could walk around to shop a little and of course eat. :)  We both were very good and didn't buy one thing, even though we tried on boots and perused the purses and jewely.  Nothing really struck our fancy, except the ice cold beer.  ;)   

We met up with Marilee's son Andy and his beautiful fiance Lindsey a little later..and of course we had to take pictures.

This is Andy, Marilee and Lindsey...

Me, Andy and Marilee....

Me and Marilee...

Let me just say see that top I have on right there...that rufflely one.  That one right up there in those pictures...I so had a little jacket on and Marilee so wouldn't let me wear it.  I was so self-concious about not having it on but I have to say that after walking around and seeing some of the other outfits the women were wearing, I had nothing to be ashamed about.  It felt good to step outside of my comfort zone...and I'm going to try doing it more often.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Spring Break


This Spring Break was just horrible. Started off bad, got horribly bad and then began to get better.  It did end on a good note but I sure am glad to be done with it.  For many reasons I'm not going to go into details on what made it so bad but know that me and my babies are all okay and all is right in the world again.  :)

We had two showings on the house last week. No feedback on the second but hoping its good.  So ready for this house to be sold.  I think I have mentioned that a time or two before.  Its just time!

Even though Spring Break was crappy, I am doing much better than I was a week ago.  I'm in a better place and feeling a lot better. Gonna do my darndest not to let the demons get me down again.   

Sunday, March 13, 2011


You are a tough cookie.

You need to get out more.

Quit sitting at home.

You only live once.

These are statements that recently have been said to me.  The last few days have been hard for me.  Nothing has changed, nothing has happened....I'm just down.  Actually that's a lie...I'm not down...I'm truly a mess.  I have spent most of this weekend in tears when I'm alone.  I guess it comes and goes but I wish with all my heart that it would go away....and stay gone. 

I'm missing my mom something fierce so maybe that's it?  I could really use one of her hugs right now and for her to tell me to quit being funny.  Everything always seemed better after a hug from mom.

This entire weekend I have constantly asked myself...what happened to you?  What happened to you!?!  Who is this pitiful person?  Why have you let her creep into your life?  Send her the hell away....and find Missy again. 

I'm trying but I need to try harder.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Wedding Pics

I stole borrowed these pictures from my new step-brother's FB page...look how happy daddy and Lena are!!  Doesn't that just make you smile? 

Here is a picture of Lena at the house before the wedding. So pretty!!! 

Lena with her sons Eric and Andy...

And me with my new cousin...Amye Jo.  Amye and I have been friends for years!
Two good-looking girls right there!

We were all having such a good time that we never did take a big family picture, something we all wish we had done.  Maybe one day we'll all be together again and can make that happen.  I think it would be great to have. 

The wedding was beautiful and I think everyone had a wonderful time visiting, eating and dancing.  I know I did.  My brother even twirled me around the dance floor, I got in a few steps with daddy and my daugter.  Good times indeed!

My kids will be with their dad this weekend.  I have a list of things I need and/or want to do but have no idea where to start.  A weekend that I don't really have any scheduled plans for.  I can do anything I want...just should be some things on my list.  Guess I'll figure it out soon enough. 

Have a great weekend!!  

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Belated Birthday Wishes & A Very Special Day

I need to send out additional belated birthday wishes to the bestest sister any girl could ever have.  We got to recently spend some good sister time together and I think it was much needed for both of us.  This sister of mine is always there for me through everything.  We laugh, cry and fight together, although I can't remember that last time we had a fight.  Guess we're getting wiser.  She's the best and I love her so very much!  Cheers to you sis!

Remember that very special day I mentioned in my last post?  Well its today. Today my daddy is getting married!!  And in case you were wondering I did find a very special dress for this very special day.  I'm excited and nervous at the same time.  I'm worried I will fall apart later today because even though I'm happy for daddy and Lena and I'm totally okay with them getting married, its still hard.  There's still that part of me that feels weird about it, a part that says "but what about Mom?"  I've been having a lot of "holy shit, my daddy is getting married" moments.  Moments where I can't breathe and pinch myself to see if this is all real.  But even in all those moments, I am so happy my daddy has found someone.  I'm happy he will not be alone anymore.  They have so much fun together and you can see their happiness in their faces every time they are together.  Cheers to them!!  Welcome to our crazy family Lena!!