Hi Mom, Its me Missy

I just miss you. 

It doesn't matter what I say or how I say it, I always come back to those four words. 

I miss everything about you. Our talks on the patio, errand running, lunches, laughing so hard we cry, our sign language, thirsty-ness, shopping, your cooking, your hugs, eyes rolling, sighs...I could go on. 

I still know what it felt like to get a hug from you and when I feel myself needing it the most, I close my eyes and can feel your warmth wrapped around me. 

This day is another day on the calendar I dread. I never look forward to it.  It makes me sad.  Because today is the day I had to say good-bye to you.  Today is the day I held your hand and watched you take your last breath.

I know you are in a far better place and you are not suffering anymore from that evil cancer.  I know you are watching me, protecting me and with me all the time but I selfishly still wish I had you here instead of Heaven being the lucky one.

Some days the tears fall when I think of you but the smiles are there too.  I do some things the way you always did them but sometimes when I don't, I laugh and think you would have had a fit if you saw me doing it another way.  I still find myself thinking about calling you up to ask your opinion about something and then remembering a minute later that I can't do that.

I use phrases from you all the time with the kids.  The one I use the most is "straighten up and fly right". One day I said it to Christopher, and it must have really had that Gladys tone to it because as soon as I said it, a chill shot down my back.  For a minute I thought if I turned around, you were going to be there. How cool would that have been!

I hope you know that you are not forgotten Mom. I think of you daily, sometimes all the time and miss you even more.  You taught me so many things and I hope I am still making you proud.  I love you.