Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Lost It

Last night I had a meltdown and completely lost it.  And before I said or did anything horribly wrong, I locked myself in my room (with a glass of wine) and gave myself a timeout.  My precious Bella came knocking on my door a little while later and asked me if I was still in trouble.  It took everything in me not to laugh out loud because it was so stinkin' cute, but I pulled it together and told her yes and I still had 5 more minutes in timeout.  What I would give to have been inside her sweet head listening to her thoughts at that moment.  I came out later to refill my wine glass, apologize to my kids for screaming and told them I was relaxed now.  I was also in tears (again).  I hadn't planned on watching NBC Nightly News on the tornado in Oklahoma but it pulled me in.  My heart just breaks for everyone in Moore, OK.  So there I sat for 45 minutes listening to story after story of people praying for their lives and the lives of their children while this monster barreled over them.  I can only try to imagine.

One of my biggest fears as a momma is something terrible happening and me not being with my kids.  I have experienced this to some degree once, and I don't care to ever have to go through it again.  The helplessness is unbearable, you can't drive, walk or run fast enough to get to your babies.  As a momma, you want to protect them at all times.

Same goes when they are in school.  You want to do everything you can to help them excel, help them do the best they can do, be the best they can be, get the help they need....and make the grades.

My dear sweet son is struggling in school this year.  So much so that he is in jeopardy of quite possibly not passing the school year.  I have feared this for months.  I have shared my fear with him and his teachers.  From Chris I have heard, "I got this" or "I know"....from his teachers I hear that 7th grade is a tough year and that he is a good student, just sometimes gets lazy (didn't I talk about this just the other day).  I got a letter in the mail yesterday from school confirming my fear and that sent me into orbit.  I have always tried to maintain my coolness because with Chris, if you yell...he shuts down. But no amount of calmness, yelling, taking things away or allowing him to do activities with friends has worked...nothing.  I asked him last night if it would bother him at all being left behind another year, failing and having to repeat 7th grade.  His response was "yes it does".   Well then act like it son because what I'm seeing is someone who doesn't care (as I started crying).  He started to respond with "I know" but he knows I HATE HEARING THAT so he stopped himself.  That was when I left the room and put myself in timeout.

I'm at a loss.  I do not want him to fail but I don't know what else I can do.  I know its on him (this time), he has to do the work, he has to make the effort.  HE has to.  Its not going to be on the school this time.  When he was held back in 1st grade, that was on the school.  They failed him.  Because of miscommunications and protocol for children with suspected dyslexic and learning tendencies, our requests were ignored so he was ignored for an entire school year and forced to repeat the 1st grade.  Only at the beginning of his repeat year was he finally tested and found to not only have dyslexia but other learning disabilities as well.  I'm sharing this with you because Chris is a good student.  He has never used his learning disabilities as an excuse.  Never.  This is the first year he has struggled this much.  I'm doing everything I possibly can to help my child, all but physically going to school and doing the work for him...and believe me, I wish I could at this point!  I think seeing me cry for him last night might have got to him.  I say that because of the look I got when my voice cracked and he saw I was in tears.  I think he saw how much I want to help him, how worried I am for him.  Is this what it took all year for him to know this?  My stomach is in knots.  It took forever for me to truly calm down enough to go to sleep last night. I just want him to get through this year, to pass, to move forward.  And I selfishly asked God to please let him get through this school year, with passing grades and move forward....knowing full well that there are many more prayers being thrown up....prayers that aren't selfish like mine. 

Thanks for listening.

Monday, May 20, 2013

DADIM - Week 2

So I had a guy comment on FB that this whole dress a day thing was total nonsense.  I told him I would keep my true response to his comment to myself because it wasn't polite.  He then apparently deleted his original comment.  Guess he realized it wasn't nice.  It wasn't that big a deal, except that his comment involved my daughter which irritated me most.  Had he made that comment another day, it might not have bothered me as much.  It was just one of those days.  All I'll say now is...if you think its nonsense, don't look at the pictures or "like" them on FB or Instagram you idiot.

I think its fun...and heck, it makes me work a little harder at being creative with my wardrobe, which is kind of the whole idea.  Men, what do they know?  ;)

Day 13 - Little Black Dress
Earrings - Lola Kay Hood original.
Mrs. Hood was my social studies teacher in 7th grade.  Still love her.
Flip Flops - Forever Treasures

Day 14 -Bella asked for sparkles :)
Outfits - Target & Wal-Mart sale racks

Day 15
Dress - Palais Royal clearance rack!! Woo Hoo!!!
Jewelry - Brighton (Gifts from one of my BFF's)

Day 16
Partial loser.  Wore a pics.
Day 17
All from the back of the closet and jewelry box!
Necklace is one of my favorite pieces from Sunny Hearts

Day 18 - George Strait's Birthday!!
For those that didn't know...
Dress - Sunny Hearts
(you really should go check them out, tons of cute stuff)
Necklace - Charming Charlie's
Kids - Mine.  You can't have them. 
Day 19
Total loser.  No dress. 
And there you have another week in A Dress A Day In May.  Two more to go...think I'll make it? Stay tuned to find out. 
Y'all have a good one!

Friday, May 17, 2013

One Proud Momma

While grocery shopping last night, I was watching my son with his little sister.  The sweetness he has with her, how protective he is of her...and how big he has gotten!  The tears welled up and I couldn't help but smile at what an awesome young man he is.  The pride I feel when I look at him and watch him in anything he does. 

He struggles with learning in school, but he never complains.  Most of the time, he gives 100%.  What kid (or adult for that matter) doesn't have lazy days every once in a while.  I know I do!  He has a very creative mind and has the biggest heart.  He's a giver and is probably one of the best friends a kid could have.  I am proud to call him my son, proud that he is an awesome young man, proud that he tries and pushes and says thank you and yes ma'am.

Just like my necklace, I'm one proud momma.


Tuesday, May 14, 2013

A Dress A Day In May

I joined the group again this year to do a "Dress A Day In May".  I gave myself the first week "off" since we were hauling stuff to the park for the Port's kid fishing tournament.  I started on Day 6 but didn't take pictures, but I picked up on it Day 7...

Day 7
Dress - Dillard's
Earrings - Sunny Hearts
Bracelets - Premiere
Ring - My Momma's
Shoes - JCP I think

Day 8
Dress & Jewelry - Maurice's
Shoes - Payless
Funny Face - All mine...cuz I really don't like the taking of pictures everyday. 

Day 9
Dress - The Limited
Cardigan - Target
Jewelry - Limited
Shoes - Macy's
All on sale or clearance!  Woo Hoo!!
Day 10
Epic fail.  Didn't wear a dress or a skirt.  Total loser I am. 
Day 11
Bella joined me for pictures :)
My Dress - From a friend.
Bella's Dress - Target
Bare feet cuz we were hanging out at home Saturday baking cookies.

Day 12
Mother's Day!
Dress - Sunny Hearts
Jewelry - Hodgepodge of jewelry collected over the years, including sentimental pieces. :)
Smile - Courtesy of my babies.  :)
So there you have the first week of DADIM!!  More to come...
Have a good one y'all!

Monday, May 13, 2013

Mother's Day

Its no secret that Mother's Day is a hard day for me. 

1.  I miss my son Jace so very much.  I never got to share a Mother's Day with him. 

2.  Its just not the same without my momma here. 

But I try.  As long as I get to spend it with my children, I can get through the day.  My son tries so hard to make the day extra special for me every year, especially now that we are on our own.  Yesterday was no exception.  He sent me to my room once he crawled out of bed.  Bella and I had only been up for a short time, I hadn't even fixed my coffee yet.  So yes, he sent me to my room, without my coffee...but fixed it himself and brought it to me.  A little while later, he and Bella brought me cinnamon rolls and a pretty rose from the garden.  What sweet children I have! 

Look at how so very blessed I am to have such beautiful children.  I am one lucky momma. :)

Remember in my previous post, I talked about trying to re-create this picture of me and momma from way back in 1975...

Here ya go...its not exactly the same but its close. 
Loving it.  Gosh I miss you momma. 

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Catching Up

Ok, I've been MIA for a while.  Only since the latter part of April, that's all.  I've been gone longer before so :P.  that's me sticking my tongue out at you.  hahaha!

Not really anything going on that's keeping me away, I just haven't felt like I had anything to journal about other than my usual frustrations with life in general. 

Since y'all think I'm weird already, I will share this with you.  My mom has been in my dreams a lot recently.  In fact, there were 3 nights in a row she was there.  She hasn't made an appearance in a very long time.  No matter what the dream is about, I am happy when I wake up because I got to see her.  I don't remember a whole lot of details but one dream involved a wedding, one a plane and the other Bella.  In all of them, there was chaos and a mess of stuff going on around us.  Mom was always there.  The plane dream in particular was a bumpy flight, but we made it through it.  I find it funny and strange that momma was on a plane in the dream because that is something she never did while she was with us.  She refused to fly.  Wanted no part of it.  If she couldn't ride in a car or bus, she wasn't going, period.  No discussion. I think my lesson of these dreams is that no matter how rough my life gets, I'm going to be alright in the end, and momma is right there with me every step of the way.

See any resemblance in the pictures below?  I do believe I am going to recreate the top photo as best I can.  I don't know for sure this picture was taken on Mother's Day but it was taken in May of 1975.  I was just a little 3 year old and momma was a beautiful 34 years.  The photo below that one was taken in December last year.  I was 40 and Bella was 3.  I don't realize how much I do look like my mom until I see pictures of her when she was younger.  To me, that's when you can really see it.  :) 

The garden at home is growing at leaps and bounds.  We had to replant the cucumbers and they are coming up nicely.  The tomatoes are still taller than the sunflowers, the they are catching up and will pass them up very soon.  I have lots of green tomatoes, a few baby green beans and a couple tiny squash. Every time I find something I giggle.  Christopher thinks its cute because I get soooo excited.  Its fun to see your garden grow!
This picture was taken a couple weeks ago...

And these were taken last week. 

Startin' to come together Pepper, startin' to come together! 
(Name that movie!!)
In other news, the Ladycats made it to the playoffs again this year.  They had a heckuva time this past series.  They won the first game but lost games 2 and 3 putting them of the playoffs.  Its always so hard but I feel like I cried more tears this year than any other year. 
These pictures were taken during the first round of playoffs...
Me and two of my favorite nieces, Cori and Mary Beth
Two of the Ladycats biggest fans, Kenna and Bella
Plus one more...

Channeling Grammy (Momma) for extra mojo!

Pop and Bella...
Last but not least, I finally got my butt up last night and went walking/running. My legs were burning when I got home but I was proud of myself for finally getting after it.  I've got 10 extra pounds I've been carrying around and I don't like it one bit.  I refuse to buy new clothes that fit when I have a closet full of perfectly fine, albeit too small at the moment, but nothing wrong with them otherwise fine clothes.  Christopher took some pictures of me last night so I could see the before and after results.  I also weighed myself but I'm not sharing those numbers with you because well, its none of your business, that's why :P!!  ha!

Me just being goofy...I made Christopher laugh :)
I should have taken a picture of my backside so you could see just how large my ass has gotten.  Its all in my mid-section, God Bless us Vyvial women and our asses and midsections. Anyway, I'm bound and determined to get back down to where I feel more comfortable.  Just not happy with myself right now.
I guess that's about it for now.  I am doing a "Dress A Day In May" again.  I only started yesterday since we were hauling stuff for the fishing tournament last week.  I forgot to take pictures yesterday when we got home but I was on it today.  I'll share those in a separate post on DADIM.  Maybe a weekly recap. 
Y'all have a good one!