Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Just A Little Panicked

I went shopping Monday in hopes of finding a dress for a very special wedding that is taking place in just a short two weeks--actually its less than two weeks now.  I had no luck.  I am a little bit panicked....kinda...sorta...maybe.  I mean, worst case scenario is having to wear something out of my closet, which would be boring...and not new....and not especially picked for this very special day. 

You see, my Daddy is getting married again.  He will be saying "I do" to someone other than my Mom...and I'm okay with that.  I very okay with that.  He has found happiness again after losing Mom to that ugly beast cancer.  There's a skip in his step, a sparkle in his eye and he's dancing again. 

I always hated the thought of him being home alone, especially at night.  To me, that is when grief hits you the hardest, when the loneliness really sets in and tries to take control of your life.  I understood that loneliness so much better when Jeff left.  Sure I had my kids, but at night after they had gone to was an awful time for me. 
So I'm happy for my Daddy and very excited for him.  Its a weird happy, but a good weird happy...if that even makes sense to anyone.

And so, this is why I want a new special dress...that I have not found yet.  And this is why I'm knda, sorta,  maybe just a little bit panicked.    

But I've got another day to shop...and I'm determined to find that special dress for my Daddy's very special day.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011


Eight years ago today I held you for the very last time.  I heard everything that was being said to me but still prayed for a miracle.  I began memorizing everything about you.  Your nose, your chin, your lips, the shape of your eyebrows, your sweet cheeks, your hands, everything.  I studied you like I had never studied anything before.  I didn't want to forget.  I held you so tight that day, not wanting to let go, not wanting to leave were my baby.  When I close my eyes I can see everything I memorized, I can smell you and even feel a slight breath on my skin.  Not a day goes by you are not with me in my thoughts and my heart, and every now and again I imagine you running around with your brother and your cousins being such a little boy and it warms my heart.  The tears still fall, unexpectedly sometimes, but the smiles are more frequent. You are loved and you are missed my son and I thank you for all you have taught me. 

Monday, February 7, 2011

I Don't Do Mornings

This about summed me up this morning...

Ah, who am I trying to kid...this sums me up every morning.  I really don't do them well.  Never have.  I am one of the hardest people to get up in the morning, and when I get to sleep in like this past weekend, I actually think its even worse.  When I do have to get up, most of the time I am a habitual snooze button hitter.  There are days I get up after one hit but they are few and far between.  My son has inherited this from me, although he doesn't hit snooze, he just ignores the alarm altogether.  "Can I have just 5 more minutes PLEASE".  I hear this Monday - Friday.  Poor kid. 

As for Miss Bella.  My goal is simply to get her to sleep through the night.  Amen.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

No Snow

We were so totally bummed. 

We stayed in our jammies all day Friday, watched movies, colored, played games, napped and napped some more. 

Christopher did venture out to his friend's house a couple of doors down to hang out for a few hours but that is it. 

Other than that, we sulked all day long because there was no snow to play in. 

We were so totally bummed.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Its COLD!!

For the first time in a long time I actually drove all the way to work with my wool coat on.  I usually don't like driving with my coat on because it gets so hot, but not today.  I think the highest my Weather Bug made it to today was 31.  More cold is predicted for tomorrow along with rain/sleet AND a chance of snow on Friday.  I'm not gonna lie....I'm super excited about this. The kids are getting out of school early tomorrow so they can get home safely before the nasty weather hits.  Friday is still up in the air but I have a feeling they'll be staying home.  I'm off Friday so it'll work out great. There are rumors floating around that Friday is setting up to be just like the snow we got back in 2004 at Christmas.  That would be super awesome if it snows like that.  Here's a picture from then...

If it does snow I will most definitely call my friend Amye (soon to be cousin) because we always call each other when it snows--I say that like it happens so often! If its a significant snowfall, I will make a snow angel because I didn't in 2004.  I will have a snowball fight with my children.  I will attempt to make a snowman (again). I will play in the falling snow. I will catch it on my tongue.  I will close my eyes and feel it fall on my face and I will laugh and giggle like a kid again. 

So yes, I'm just a little excited thinking about the possibility.  :)

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

My Cousin...The Marathon Runner

My sweet cousin Reesa is running a marathon in June in San Diego!  Kudos to her because I don't think I could.  Well maybe...if I trained for it.  I ran a little back in the day so I guess its possible. 

She is raising money for her trip, 25% will go towards her expenses and 75% will go to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Team In Training.  You can find out more about her journey at and if you would like to donate to the cause, she has a link that will take you to her donation page.