Fears

I know I said I would try to bring sunshine and laughter to this blog but I need to write some thoughts down. My daughter Isabella is the same age today that my son Jace was when he passed away. I can't explain how strange and scary this time is. I feel myself holding my breath, just praying and hoping we'll see the 4 month mark...and that we'll continue to see her grow. I hate feeling this way but I can't help it, it truly frightens me. Having Isabella was a huge step for Jeff and I. It took a long time to finally have the courage to have another baby. Even when we found out we were pregnant, we had mixed emotions. I adore my children, there's nothing greater, no accomplishment bigger than my children. I just want to watch them grow and learn. Jace was such a special little boy. He was a happy baby, a big boy and I miss him every day of my life. A day has not gone by that he hasn't been on my mind. I like to think we have our own personal guardian angel watching over us. I know I drive Jeff crazy worrying over Isabella, I really do...over every little thing. I just can't help it. I hope that one day in the future I will be able to relax a little. I promise I will try.