Inspiration

So yesterday I spent the day at Brazosport College attending the very first Women's Health Conference.  My boss was originally supposed to go but she couldn't so I went in her place.  I had been having a rough couple of days so I wasn't really excited about going but I decided to embrace it and thought maybe a day out of the office and doing something different just might bring me out of my funk. 

It did.

And I owe part of it to the very inspirational talk of Linda Armstrong Kelly who just happens to be Lance Armstrong's Momma!  She was a wonderful speaker.  She talked about her early life as a child, how she had Lance at the young age of 17 and her life as a single Mom with Lance.  She was funny and honest.  I also found that she and I think a lot alike when it comes to the raising of our children..which made me feel so much better about the job I'm doing.  I don't know about you but there are days that I have doubts about whether or not I'm doing a good job or really the absolute best job I can as a mother. I know my kids are happy and healthy...but there is that doubt sometimes.  Do you know what I mean?  And the last few days I've doubted everything about myself.  I still have a lot of healing to do and a lot of confidence to build back up because it has been damaged, probably worse than it ever has been and there are days, like this week, that all of it really gets to me.

BUT...I'm better today.  Sometimes it just takes hearing that encouragement from my great friends and family who embrace me with support and so much love.  And sometimes, you get it from somewhere you never expected to get it.

Me & Linda Armstrong Kelly

I told Linda when I had the opportunity to meet her afterwards for a book signing just what she did for me and she told me, "Missy, just keep looking forward, never look back and you will be fine".  I thanked her for inspiring me that day & for giving back to me what I had lost for those few days. 

Looking forward is what I always try to do, but sometimes remembering the past gets the best of me.  

A Story...

I hope all of you Momma's out there had a wonderful day.  I had a good day with my babies.  I was a little down this year missing my Mom and also wishing I had my Jace with me, but it was a good day.  Christopher has a heart so full of sweetness and love and I'd like to tell you a little something to give you an idea of just how sweet this boy of mine is. 

Thursday evening my boy comes to me with a pitiful face and sadness in his eyes and says...

Chris:  "Mommy, I want to buy you flowers for Mother's Day but I don't have any money to do it and ProFlowers.com is having a really good deal right now. I can get you flowers with a vase and spa kit for free and its only $19."

Me:  "And you're telling me this because...you want me to get them?"

Chris:  "Yes, its the only way I know how to get them for you.  I'll go to the website & show you, if you will order them and then be surprised." 

So my boy finds the website, shows me the flowers he wants to get, tells me what to put on the card and I order them.  Now maybe you think this is weird but all I saw was how much my son was trying to show me how much he loved and cared about me and how much he wanted to do something for his Mom.  We had them delivered Friday to my work but let me tell you, I was surprised.  I knew what was in the box and I thought I knew what to expect but what I didn't expect was for me to choke up when they arrived and for a tear to fall when I read the card.

My beautiful flowers and card from my babies...

I didn't expect to be so overwhelmed by something I knew was coming but I was because it did end up being a surprise for me.  When I saw him later I told him I got a huge bouquet of flowers at work today and did he know anything about it.  He smiled and said "yes, were you surprised Mommy?"  I told him I most definitely was and it was very sweet of him and Bella to send me flowers. 

Christopher continued the sweetness Sunday morning by making me coffee (his Daddy helped him set up the coffee pot the night before) and biscuits for breakfast.  While that was going, he gave me another big surprise. I received a gift certificate from Jeff and the kids to a spa in town to get a facial and massage. I was truly touched by this gift and wasn't expecting it at all.  We had planned to go shopping later that day to get a ring I have wanted for a very long time.  I debated really hard about going after I received the gift certificate but decided we would go ahead with our plans to treat myself to something special.  The ring is called "Mother's Love"  from James Avery and I love it.  Its something I can wear everyday and I am enjoying having it.  After the ring purchase, we stopped for lunch at a cafe just a few steps away called the Black Walnut Cafe.  We had never been there before.  It was a neat little place and lunch was very good. Christopher and I decided we needed to go there again someday and sit in the big comfy chairs next time. 

Christopher told me early in the day that he thought this would be the best Mother's Day ever...and I think he was right.  I had a great time spending the day with my babies.  The gifts were just added pleasures.  The real gift to me that day was having my babies with me and being able to snuggle with them and love on them.  I always wish Jace was with me too but I know he watches me and takes care of me (us) every day.  I miss him so much but I know he is in a much better place in Heaven.  I wish my Mom was here so I could give her a Mother's Love ring. I thought of her while I was making my purchase yesterday.  In a way, it was for the both of us.    

Happy Mother's Day!

Checkin' In

Just checkin' in.  I know I said I would be better about blogging and I've let you down.  I just haven't had the time.  Maybe when baseball ends and softball play-offs are done and school is out and I'm done working on the house, just maybe I'll get better about blogging. 

We made huge progress this weekend on the house.  I have to send out a great big THANK YOU to my family and friends who came over to help me out.  I could not have done it all without their help.  There is still more to get done but I am hopeful now.  My goal is to have a sign in my yard by the end of the month!  I think it can be done, I really do.  We are so stinkin' close!  The painter guy who is painting the outside of the house will start work Monday.  Once the house is painted I will begin the long awaited moment of FINALLY saying good-bye to my precious weed beds and hello to my flower beds.  I have waited seven long years for this moment.  Its so stinkin' close I can almost smell it!  Ha!  Since we are selling the house, I don't want to plant everything so I am going to put a lot of things in containers/pots so I can take them with me.  This does make me sad because I have been planning my flower beds for a long time so to see it all come together and then not really be able to enjoy it breaks my heart.  Same goes for the remodel on the house.   BUT, there are good great things on the other side of this sale that await me and my kids...and THAT I look forward to even more. 

My kids are thriving and growing and changing every day and I am having tons of fun with them. Christopher is playing baseball and getting better with every practice and every game.  Isabella is still taking a bottle at night and still loving her binky...but a little less.  Out of sight, out of mind works wonders for her.  A great big THANK YOU to her daycare for helping me with the binky task.  My little bug is growing every day and such a fun little girl.  I love watching both my kids thrive and accomplish great things. 

Jeff and I are at a really good place with each other. We've had discussions and conversations without getting into arguments. This is what we both have always wanted and what we will continue to make happen. We both have seen other couples who have gone through divorce and its just been nasty and ugly. We've never wanted that. We have kids together and we both still care for each other so we have to make it work for our kids.  We both recently took a class called "For Kids Sake" as a requirement of our divorce.  There was a lot of good information in this class and I am proud to say that it showed the both of us that while there is always room for improvements, we are actually doing a pretty darn good job and have the right mindset when it comes to the well-being of our kids. 

Life is okay.  Its not good but its getting there at a much faster rate than I ever expected.   As I said many times before, I never thought I would be experiencing this particular path in life but I'm embracing it and looking forward to what lies ahead...beyond the pain, beyond the divorce, beyond the sale of my house!