Decisions

Is it hard for you to make decisions?  On everything or just some things?  For me, all decisions are hard.  Well, let me take that back.  Simple ones are easy...but it seems the simple ones are few and far between.  I don't like making decisions, especially big ones that involve my family.  Big ones that are permanent, that could change things dramatically.  I am going to be facing some major decisions in the next couple of months. Decisions that I'm not happy about having to make.  I get sick to my stomach when I think about it, which means I'm sick most all the time.  These decisions have all stemmed from what has blindsided me, what has made me sad, what makes me cry every single day, what has consumed my life for 44 days.  Today I'm mad as hell that I have been put in this position to have to make these decisions.  I don't like what is being taken away from me.  I hate it.  I have not been given the option to try and fix what has been broken.  I have been hit with so much in this time that I am struggling to understand it all because there is so much I don't understand, so much I thought I knew but have found out I don't.  I hurt every single day.  I am trying to accept my future but that means I have to make these decisions and I'm afraid of what to decide because my heart and my head are battling.  This is hard, so very hard because I want desperately to continue fighting but it doesn't help.  In fact, from what I've been told....it just makes things worse.