Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Plain Simple Truth

I've been thinking a lot, about everything...my kids, the house, packing, where we're going to live, what needs to be done, how long it will take the house to sell, what to fix for dinner, what the kids need and/or want, what I need and/or want, how to be happy again, how to be alone again and the plain simple truth.  The plain simple truth is people scare me.  I'm afraid of people...always have been.  I don't like crowds and I really don't like being somewhere by myself with a bunch of people I don't know.  TERRIFIES ME.  I know what you're thinking and no, I'm fine at the grocery store, shopping, stuff like that.  But in a social scene...oh my goodness!  I'm a mess and I come off as a snob.  I'm not a snob--far from!  Quite frankly, I just don't think I'm good enough to be in other people's company.  That's the way I think, that's the way I feel about myself.  I'm not good enough for you.  I simply don't really know how to talk to people.  Its an awkward thing for me.  It is different once you get to know someone and find that commonality between you but until that happens...holy moly, I'm lost!  Its a confidence thing and that is something that I have always struggled with and that has always been hard for me.  I don't ask questions because I'm afraid of being made fun of, I don't talk because I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing or not making sense and being made fun of.  This is something that I am trying to work on but its really hard.  So how do you go from being the quiet, shy type (for 38 years) to someone who is not afraid of people?  How does that happen? Is it possibly?        

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

It is possible and you will be able to do it. One day at a time..one step at a time. You did not become who you are over night! Change is hard and darn scary at first. Don't be so hard on yourself. Give yourself time to heal and move slowly forward. Before you know it you will be doing things that you never thought you could do. I know cause I've been there too. Hang on little girl...it will get better. Love Aunt Cheryl