Friday, September 25, 2009

Meltdown

Its Friday again...and I've made it through another week!  But I have to tell ya, this week has been especially hard for some reason.  I've been very emotional and on the verge of a meltdown--I can feel it coming on.  I'm trying very hard to prevent this meltdown but I can feel "it" winning the battle.  Do I give in?  Or do I keep fighting back?  At times I want to just let it win because maybe, just maybe if I let it all out, I can move on and all will be right.  Because truthfully, I can see what's bringing this meltdown about, I know what it is...but part of me doesn't want to fight.  But then, the stubborn side comes out and wants to fight and not let it win. I want to be strong.  I hate that I'm feeling this way now, of all times, my favorite time of the year, I'm having a meltdown.  And I have lots planned this weekend.  My brother Tony and I have a date tonight.  We're going to watch our high school alma mater play some football at Wildcat Stadium.  Saturday, my washing machine, dryer and I have a date to do some much needed laundry.  I also want to get out my Fall and Halloween decor.  I want to attempt to make my favorite cookies, Sweeties.  And I've had a hankering for some chicken spaghetti for weeks so I hoping to make that this weekend as well.  There's the grocery shopping that will need to be done and more cleaning & rearranging.  Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself to get all this done?  But if I scale back, then I feel like I'm not doing enough, that I'm not living up to the Super Mommy image.  I'm supposed to be able to take care of my kids, my husband, the house, the errands, the bills, myself and my stinkin' demons....all without having a meltdown.  Dang it!  I miss my Mom.  I want her to tell me how she did it all those years without a meltdown.  I mean, if she did have meltdowns, it was unbeknownst to us kids.  We were clueless...she was Super Mommy!  Probably none of this is making any sense but I feel better putting it to paper...or is it the internet?  Maybe someone out there will read this and have some advice or even a general comment that will make me feel a little better.  And just maybe I'll make it through the weekend without having a meltdown.   

2 comments:

craveytrain said...

While I am hardly a wise one in the ways of the world, with Jax, my hope is not to give him the illusion of a perfect dad but to show him that we all have troubles and how to deal with them appropriately. To show him that daddy makes mistakes, may not always do the right thing but always loves him.

Anonymous said...

Well, looks like you will have two Cravey comments. My first suggestion would be to breathe! Where is it in your list to relax? I did not see that one. You have your plate so full that it would take super mom to do all of that. You are doing a great job of being a Super Mom but your life is happening too. One day at a time...this is easier said than done I do have to admit.
Your demons need to be given to your higher power and let Him deal with them. Over the last couple of weeks I am learning to say "With God all things are possible". I miss my parents with every breath I take but life has a way of happening anyway...with or without them here to share it with me.
There are only 24 hours in a day and you are trying to cram 48 in there...guess what? There lays your problem. You are so busy trying to get everything done that it is a burden instead of a joy.
Slow down, relax and play with your kids this weekend. Do what you can do and leave the rest. Believe me it will be there when you can get to it. Enjoy your weekend, enjoy what ever it is that you are doing or don't do until you will.
I love ya and you are way too blessed to be this stressed. One last thing..if you don't know the Serenity Prayer..learn it. Now go forth and have a great, relaxing weekend. May the force be with you...hehehe Aunt Cheryl